Friday, April 6, 2012

An Agnostic's Dream about Lord Hanuman

Today is Hanuman Jayanthi . Me, being an agnostic has no big importance of this mystic day . Yet keep remembering him for some obvious reasons . I had 2 dreams of him , some time back . Both on early Tuesday mornings , the first one was too personal . I'll try an share one of the dream in bits with you. He promised me something , time has passed by , yet he dint delivered it . Ill try to put it in brief . Yes , in progressive world Dreams are categorized as illusions .

I along with my friend Ravi ,his wife Mamata and few others went village side for an outing . We parked our cars and had plans to erect an makeshift natural shelter in an open farm field . Mamata dint liked the idea and was making noise . Not able to take it , i told them i'll venture around and find some place to settle down for our outing . Then i moved forward , after few furlongs i saw a 'bund' and an old dilapidated temple on the 'bund' . I wanted to check it before i ask my friends to come . Temple gate was of single door and was locked . I jumped over it and took few strolls inside . It looked like an dilapidated structure from out side , but infact it resembled as if its an 'Raj-Mahal' (Kings palace) . The structures were built by stone , the building was multi storeyed . I was gazing at this beautiful palace , wondering how it looked small and unused  from outside.

Then i heard few voices and movement on second (perhaps) floor . I saw an well built "Ape man" and other look alike coming down the stairs . He was talking to someone on some serious issue and felt like passing on some orders to his sub-ordinate. It took me no time for me to acknowledge that Ape-Man infact is Hanuman . His body was fully decorated with ornaments and his tail was up in air , his skin was in stone colour. Though I am an Agnostic ( even in Dream :) ) my hands lifted in air , my palms came together , my head bent down in obedience. As Hanuman neared me , I surrendered and said , I am Lucky to have your Darshan , Plz bless me . He lifted his hand and asked me to make a 'wish' . I made a wish ( it being personal , i cant explain it here) , and was explaining him all the minute details pertaining to my wish . The reason for the detailed explaination to Hanuman was , i want him to be CLEAR on my wish and not get confused . LOL .... Perhaps I took lot of time explaining him about my wish, he seems to be in hurry , and he cut me short saying , I know everything , dont worry , I give my word that your 'wish' will come true . And asked me to leave, I left the place without turning back , jumped the gate and came out side ..... Perhaps not able to control the happenings (in dream) I woke up . It was almost 6 AM , Tuesday.

I still in bed thinking of freshly happened Dream was tossing and turning up every now and then . I was profusely thinking about it . This was the first Dream of life where a I 'visualised' a Godly thing . Still in bed , i was in two mind , whether to believe it or not . In the End , my Agnostic feeling won and rubbished the presence of God as rubbish . Felt good and relieved , got up from my bed , did the needy things , had Tea , read Newspaper in leisure . I totally forgot about the Dream . I cam back to my bed room and it refreshed my memory of Hanuman Dream again . There was again an Internal war between my Agnostic Progressive views and 'Belief' . The war was so severe that it was hurting me inside . My Mind was constantly telling me that there is No God , its rubbish  , My heart was pleading to give "faith" a chance.

Amidst this conflict , Felt choked inside , stood near the bedroom window. I felt i need to abide by one or else it will trouble me all thru the day . Gazing out i said to myself , OK , if i see an Hanuman picture right now , i'll believe this Dream or else it need no further attention . It was an cunning on my part , coz it was my bedroom , i knew it very well that there are no Hanuman pictures in my bedroom . I shared the space with another friend , he is Sri Aurobindo disciple , he is an Spiritualist but not a big God believer . Perhaps i wanted to my Agnostic-Ego to win and i took its side.

Cunningly i turned and started checking the room with belief that there can be no Hanuman picture . But little did i knew that i wud have my shock of life . As i turned to left , in my friends side rack i saw an Hanuman picture and 'chalisa' printed over an card. In disbelief i stood there before i took it into my hand. How cud it be ther , it wasnt there yesterday , in fact it was their before anytime. I waited until my friend returned and asked is that Hanuman picture yours. He said ' Yes Raj , its mine , some SW training Insti guy was distributing on road and he gave one to me .

I dont know if i was shocked or sad . I was totally shaken , felt weak, cudnt stand on my legs . I wanted my Agnostic Ego to win over Godly thing . Iam now totally beaten , badly battered and back to square one . Now what to do , Do i have to believe the God again whom i dumped long time back?? This thought hurt me lot . Having lost the game, i felt this time i should to be impartial and fair . Then made up my mind to visit Hanuman temple on my way to Office.

I had my bath , went to an near by Hanuman temple . The thought of visiting a Temple after long-long time itself gave me goose bumps. Went in there , did pradakshana, told him straight away that i believe you for time being , so dont play with my belief and also reminded him of my 'wish' and came out .

I came out of Temple by then i was late to the office, called an Auto-Rickshaw , sat inside only to see magnificent Hanuman picture on Autos windshield . My confidence on Him multiplied . I told the Driver thats nice Hanuman Picture , he dint responded , he avoided me and remained silent . During auto travel , i have an habit of engaging driver into some conversation . I saw him chewing 'Guthka' pan masala , i tried to counsel him on ill effects of Guthka and asked him to stop taking it . He made a face and said he like Gutka and not going to stop chewing it. Oh wots this , he was bit rude i felt . i smiled to myself thinking Lord Hanuman magic is fading and not working . I got down near my office paid him and was about to take front stair case , then i suddenly heard , auto driver calling me from back . I stopped and turned back to him much to my surprise , showing Gutka packet driver said " Sir , this is the last one , hereafter i wont take Gutka , i'll never chew it again in my life" and the Auto driver zoomed off even before i can react.

For some time there after i believed Him, my Wish never came true and with time the affects of Dream vamoosed so do my belief in Him . Now iam back to Agnostic life.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

What an amazing story. Just because your dream did not come to pass, in my humble opinion, does not discount the reality of Lord Hanuman. Lord Hanuman is one of the greatest devotees and confidential friends of the Supreme Lord. The fact that in your dream you showed Him respect and asked Him to bless you may suggest that deep down, you already believe in him.

I really enjoy your blog and wish you all the best.

Lola-Jaan said...

ahh.. your story is quire similar to mine. i am not a believer in hindu Gods. i believe in the power within, the God within. But when i was expecting my son in 2007. i saw a dream, where i saw Hanuman ji. He was very huge and i was so much in awe that i didnt hear what he has been trying to tell me. the same dream repeated after few months. in my sixth month of preganancy, i went to benaras (my sons dad's home town). I was taken to sankat mochan mandir on a saturday. i visisted many more temples that day but could see any God as the doors were closed. the next day early morning i took a dip in the ganga and when i came out, a pandit said that this is hanuman ghat. hanumanji will take care of your son. i remember he saying son! My son was born 7 weeks preterm on a Saturday on Hanuman Jayanti day. 19th April, 2008. when he was 18 months old, he would look behind and say, momma meri tail kahaan hain? his dad said, aapki tail tiger khaa gaya. his dad iscalled tiger. my son turned 5 today. today is hanuman jayanti. every night he listens to stories of baby monkey from me. he is very fast climber on rocks and poles, jumps from very huge heights... i see it all as a miracle happening... i feel blessed all the time.