An Agnostic's Dream about Lord Hanuman

Today is Hanuman Jayanthi . Me, being an agnostic has no big importance of this mystic day . Yet keep remembering him for some obvious reasons . I had 2 dreams of him , some time back . Both on early Tuesday mornings , the first one was too personal . I'll try an share one of the dream in bits with you. He promised me something , time has passed by , yet he dint delivered it . Ill try to put it in brief . Yes , in progressive world Dreams are categorized as illusions .

I along with my friend Ravi ,his wife Mamata and few others went village side for an outing . We parked our cars and had plans to erect an makeshift natural shelter in an open farm field . Mamata dint liked the idea and was making noise . Not able to take it , i told them i'll venture around and find some place to settle down for our outing . Then i moved forward , after few furlongs i saw a 'bund' and an old dilapidated temple on the 'bund' . I wanted to check it before i ask my friends to come . Temple gate was of single door and was locked . I jumped over it and took few strolls inside . It looked like an dilapidated structure from out side , but infact it resembled as if its an 'Raj-Mahal' (Kings palace) . The structures were built by stone , the building was multi storeyed . I was gazing at this beautiful palace , wondering how it looked small and unused  from outside.

Then i heard few voices and movement on second (perhaps) floor . I saw an well built "Ape man" and other look alike coming down the stairs . He was talking to someone on some serious issue and felt like passing on some orders to his sub-ordinate. It took me no time for me to acknowledge that Ape-Man infact is Hanuman . His body was fully decorated with ornaments and his tail was up in air , his skin was in stone colour. Though I am an Agnostic ( even in Dream :) ) my hands lifted in air , my palms came together , my head bent down in obedience. As Hanuman neared me , I surrendered and said , I am Lucky to have your Darshan , Plz bless me . He lifted his hand and asked me to make a 'wish' . I made a wish ( it being personal , i cant explain it here) , and was explaining him all the minute details pertaining to my wish . The reason for the detailed explaination to Hanuman was , i want him to be CLEAR on my wish and not get confused . LOL .... Perhaps I took lot of time explaining him about my wish, he seems to be in hurry , and he cut me short saying , I know everything , dont worry , I give my word that your 'wish' will come true . And asked me to leave, I left the place without turning back , jumped the gate and came out side ..... Perhaps not able to control the happenings (in dream) I woke up . It was almost 6 AM , Tuesday.

I still in bed thinking of freshly happened Dream was tossing and turning up every now and then . I was profusely thinking about it . This was the first Dream of life where a I 'visualised' a Godly thing . Still in bed , i was in two mind , whether to believe it or not . In the End , my Agnostic feeling won and rubbished the presence of God as rubbish . Felt good and relieved , got up from my bed , did the needy things , had Tea , read Newspaper in leisure . I totally forgot about the Dream . I cam back to my bed room and it refreshed my memory of Hanuman Dream again . There was again an Internal war between my Agnostic Progressive views and 'Belief' . The war was so severe that it was hurting me inside . My Mind was constantly telling me that there is No God , its rubbish  , My heart was pleading to give "faith" a chance.

Amidst this conflict , Felt choked inside , stood near the bedroom window. I felt i need to abide by one or else it will trouble me all thru the day . Gazing out i said to myself , OK , if i see an Hanuman picture right now , i'll believe this Dream or else it need no further attention . It was an cunning on my part , coz it was my bedroom , i knew it very well that there are no Hanuman pictures in my bedroom . I shared the space with another friend , he is Sri Aurobindo disciple , he is an Spiritualist but not a big God believer . Perhaps i wanted to my Agnostic-Ego to win and i took its side.

Cunningly i turned and started checking the room with belief that there can be no Hanuman picture . But little did i knew that i wud have my shock of life . As i turned to left , in my friends side rack i saw an Hanuman picture and 'chalisa' printed over an card. In disbelief i stood there before i took it into my hand. How cud it be ther , it wasnt there yesterday , in fact it was their before anytime. I waited until my friend returned and asked is that Hanuman picture yours. He said ' Yes Raj , its mine , some SW training Insti guy was distributing on road and he gave one to me .

I dont know if i was shocked or sad . I was totally shaken , felt weak, cudnt stand on my legs . I wanted my Agnostic Ego to win over Godly thing . Iam now totally beaten , badly battered and back to square one . Now what to do , Do i have to believe the God again whom i dumped long time back?? This thought hurt me lot . Having lost the game, i felt this time i should to be impartial and fair . Then made up my mind to visit Hanuman temple on my way to Office.

I had my bath , went to an near by Hanuman temple . The thought of visiting a Temple after long-long time itself gave me goose bumps. Went in there , did pradakshana, told him straight away that i believe you for time being , so dont play with my belief and also reminded him of my 'wish' and came out .

I came out of Temple by then i was late to the office, called an Auto-Rickshaw , sat inside only to see magnificent Hanuman picture on Autos windshield . My confidence on Him multiplied . I told the Driver thats nice Hanuman Picture , he dint responded , he avoided me and remained silent . During auto travel , i have an habit of engaging driver into some conversation . I saw him chewing 'Guthka' pan masala , i tried to counsel him on ill effects of Guthka and asked him to stop taking it . He made a face and said he like Gutka and not going to stop chewing it. Oh wots this , he was bit rude i felt . i smiled to myself thinking Lord Hanuman magic is fading and not working . I got down near my office paid him and was about to take front stair case , then i suddenly heard , auto driver calling me from back . I stopped and turned back to him much to my surprise , showing Gutka packet driver said " Sir , this is the last one , hereafter i wont take Gutka , i'll never chew it again in my life" and the Auto driver zoomed off even before i can react.

For some time there after i believed Him, my Wish never came true and with time the affects of Dream vamoosed so do my belief in Him . Now iam back to Agnostic life.