Confused Conflicts of Belief and Agnosticism .
Today a colleague in office has bought Peddamma Gudi (Durga Mata, Temple) Prasadam (eatables offered to God) to distribute on the floor. Though I’am an Agnostic, I never was averse to taking Prasadam’s. When my colleague has extended the Kumkum ( Red Vermillion Powder) packet , I was bit confused to accept it or politely deny it . All these year’s , I desisted from applying Tilak on my forehead. It aroused from my disinterest and some kind of my protest against rituals . But today for unknown reasons something in me have pushed my hand towards Kumkum , took it and applied it on my forehead . I'am now surprised, that how come I did it after so many years, what made me to do ? . Anyways No-Regrets , rather felt good , for what ever I did . This made me to think again about my Agnostic views and validate it.
Though I’am an Agnostic, I take lot of pride in my Hindu roots and I owe this life to Hindu Dharma . Sometimes it becomes more harder for people who know me very well, to see my divergent views on God/Religion and get confused.
Not believing in God (or considering myself as an Agnostic) and at the same time living a life as an staunch Hindu has never been a problem for me. For saying that , unlike other religions I am not discarded from its fold . That’s the beauty of Hindu Dharma .The USP of Hindu Dharma is that it has many schools of thoughts. One can practice idol worship, non-idol worship and even atheism, all with in Hindu Panth . I think this is what makes Hindu’s more tolerant and peace loving people.
Though I’am still an strong Hindu Dharma follower , I always had problems with some of the protocols that being followed . I never believed when scriptures said that God made universe . As I hear it , I always shouted back asking them ‘who made God ???’ I never got an answers either from ‘ faith believers or from science followers’ . Religion says God made ‘saptarishis’ and worked in evolvement of universe and human kind , where as science blah-blah's of Big-Bang theory , and both the theories are not fool proof. I had no means to validate the above theories , and I left them only to be ready for any true education on the above subject.
For me, being Agnostic is not accusing the believers, neither to wander as an 'Doubter' . I’am Agnostic because I have an inherited habit of questioning everything before accepting it on face value . For me, its an philosophy where in one is open to all the views over existence of GOD or against HIM . This philosophy is not an new one. It existed even during Vedic period, followers of "Charuvaka" (Carvaka) are one such example of Agnostic philosophy . Hindu Puranas are full of such examples where Rishi’s/Muni’s questioned the influence of GOD’s and rituals . This proves that Hindu Dharma have place for diverse philosophies.
Somehow I strongly believe that GOD has been Invented by Humans to create some kind of order/discipline in the society . It made us to believe that any SIN committed will be punished by the the ‘Super Power’, whom we labelled as GOD and he is always watchful . To make him supreme we glorified him in texts, attributing some 'super powers' to him and this in turn made us believe that if we are nice to him he will shower his divine blessing unto us. And any SIN will not go unpunished . This has created a fear among Natives and resulted in death of human WISDOM .
What I strongly feel is GOD or No GOD, they are irrelevant to upliftment of the real life of mankind and should be left to individual's to choose. I’am neither against GOD nor blind believer . I'am simply open to all the WISDOM that comes in whichever direction and form .